My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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