so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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