If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
