she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
