I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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