Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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