So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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