After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
