ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When are your genitals available?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
