is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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