Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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