We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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