Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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