He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
