Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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