Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your dad touched me again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
