I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
