ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
