Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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