she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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