My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
