new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
