the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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