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I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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