my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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