im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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