Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
