just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
