My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
