Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
