Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
