imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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