I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
