it hurts more in the daytime
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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