I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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