Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
