I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How's work?
Spinning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
