CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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