I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
