I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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