i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
