It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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