just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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