Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Randomize
