It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
