im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Found your dick twin last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
