you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
