What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
