help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
