my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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