I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
