I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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