i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
