I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
