So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
