The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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