3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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